Thursday, October 18, 2012

rivers and roads.

I've always been someone who has believed that I would someday find my place-
that sacred space buried underneath the days and months that feels like it was constructed just for me.

I used to think that I would find such a place in the eyes of the man I loved.

Or at the desk that sat in my office- the one that represented the career that I had worked so hard to pursue.

Or in the art I created, or in the words I wrote, or in the cities I traveled to and the plans I made.

But lately I've been homesick for my place, for that peace that comes from knowing that this, this is what it feels like to stand in front of yourself and see your body take root. This is what it feels like to know with certainty that I belong here.

I miss what I don't yet know.
I'm homesick for a home that I've not yet created.

And so, when this song by The Head and the Heart filled my car yesterday morning (you've probably heard it by now, but even if you have, listen again. and again. and again.)  I couldn't help but think of it as a love letter of sorts. A love letter to my place, and to a home I'll one day discover. To the faces I've yet to see. To the souls I've yet to meet.  To the mistakes I've yet to make.

And to that space I've yet to encounter.

To this place I say, rivers and roads.

Because goodness,
I miss your face like hell.