I talked to a dear friend the other night and we discussed the issue of happiness. We asked each other what we thought it meant, this idea of true and utter contentment. I told her I wasn't really that sure about all of it, that it was an idea I've been mulling over for quite a while now. She said she wasn't too sure either. And as I listened to her I realized, once again, how so many of us seem to be making this pilgrimage together. We are moving toward knowing ourselves more fully and changing the things that need to be changed. We're forever asking and listening for the small whispers that urge us to move forward and experience our life. I want to do that; I want to not just hear, but really listen. I want to stoop forward in a way that allows me to not just see the life happening around me, but to really participate in it.
And so, tonight, as I get into my bed, the same one I've had for almost ten years, I'll try to silence my thoughts. I'll do my best to funnel my questions and ideas into a place that is peaceful and languid. I'll toss and I'll turn, but in the end, I'll give up the fight and release this day that I've been given. And tomorrow morning, when I open my eyes, even if for a brief moment, I'll stay in that stillness of self, enjoying the feeling of breath and life and the unknown. I will listen. I will wait.
And then, well, then I will get up, touch my toes to the floor and go feed my dog.