Sunday, June 21, 2009

It's been another rather crazy week.  It just seems that real life seems to be happening everywhere I turn.  And when I say "real life", I think I mean the really hard things that people always tell you real life is made out of.  Friends are hurting and are making difficult decisions about their future and jobs and families.  Other friends are experiencing losses and grief that I can't even begin to imagine. And still, others are awaiting major surgeries and procedures that have the potential to be life- threatening.  But I'm still here, in my small little world, complaining about homework and my damaged heart, which lately, in contrast to some of the other hurts and pains that I'm seeing happen around me, doesn't seem like too difficult a thing to muster through. 

At least that's what I tell myself.  And I think in my better moments I believe it.

Lately my days have ebbed and flowed in a way that has seemed to transform time into a pocket sized season; the short days sandwich the long ones and today, when I peered at the calendar, I was shocked by the date that stared back at me.  I'm not sure how summer arrived so swiftly, but it seems to have landed with a truckload of UV rays and lots of sweaty, angry people in tow.  Luckily, our friends Barbara and Aimey live near a pretty great little pool.  And so, for the first time in a couple of years (I've spent the past two summers up in Colorado, so you know, let's just say my belly hasn't seen the sun in a while) I actually swam and lounged by the water.  I tried to shake my insecurities that usually prevent me from putting on a swim suit and baring my white, jiggly thighs, and instead attempted to embrace the summer heat via the standard bikini and beach towel.  And you know what? It was pretty great.  I, of course, got pretty sunburned (mom, if you're reading this, not a word...  I put on sunscreen.  I promise.) but it felt so wonderful to just lie in the sun.  I forgot how much I love that feeling.  I forgot how summer is supposed to feel.  It's good to be reminded.

So, in the midst of a lot of pretty hard stuff happening in this little world, I want to be better about enjoying the small things- like swimming with friends and the accomplished feeling that comes with a great tan line .  I think what I'm realizing is that I don't have much of a choice.  I have to embrace the small victories and events in order to make the bigger, harder ones a little less painful.  You've got to cling on to what you're given.  And lately, my friends, my family and a small, germ-infested public swimming pool is what I've been given.  So, you know, you do the math...

1 comment:

Catherine said...

So, so true, Courtney. Yesterday we took Thad to a water park in this small little town down the road. And while he cried every second he was there, I found myself dancing, fully clothed, through water fountains.

And it was awesome.

You may have even inspired me to blahg about it. =)