Monday, March 31, 2008

Top Ramen

Well, I think for the first time, the weight and reality of what my life is going to look like next year is truly taking root. I began registering for classes today. I also picked up an application at the nearby 'Barnes and Noble'. Next I will probably try to don my coolest, artsy-est, angsty-est outfit and stroll into the local Starbucks and ask for a job. If that doesn't work, well, I might have to start checking the want-ads and then, from there I might even have to start adding Top Ramen to my weekly meal rotations ... I mean, I'm going to be that girl (if I'm lucky) who has a college degree (that she is continuing to sell her soul for) and who is still working for seven dollars an hour in order to help pay for her next degree... that's some seriously scary stuff.

I guess now is the time when the fear begins to move in... I start to doubt and to ponder and sweat a little bit more. And because I know how I do with these kinds of things, after the "now" part I will inevitably move on to the full blown, award-winning, worrying about and questioning if I have truly made the right decision part... hoping that I didn't completely miss the boat regarding that thing I like to call "the nudging of the Holy Spirit". I mean, is the Lord really asking me to leave a place and a people that I enjoy in order to pursue pouring mochas? Does He really want me to leave a place of ministry so that I can take a chance in pursuing an education in something I'm merely hoping to enjoy? I've got to be honest, there are some moments lately (like five minutes ago) where I am overwhelmed by these kinds of thoughts.

I guess the great thing is that no matter what, the Lord has certainly put me in a place of having to walk by faith. I know that growing, that time passing, is scary. But, to me, the scariest thing of all is time passing by without knowing the hand of the Lord in it. And there is certainly comfort in me looking on and at least knowing that His hand has been present. I don't know, maybe I am missing the boat... but at least I know that my God is faithful and that there will always be another one to catch. And the way I look at it, if I'm lucky, maybe I will learn how to make a mean cup of joe in the process.

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